Ranger Bagel: The Press Ranger

I was enjoying a little bit of television recently here on the couch warm in my laziness. Suddenly there was a commercial for some bullshit television series with Molly Ringwald playing the mother of some dumb teenage ho who gets pregnant:

“Boo-hoo, mommy, you can feel the baby kicking, I can’t abort it.”

“Daughter, you gonna ruin your life.”

“Boo-hoo this is too hard in the short term so I can’t think critically or reasonably about the long term.”

This scenario made me think about how I would handle having my own little girl get knocked up. Almost instantly I realized that I would have to embrace the seemingly brutal actions showcased by Ellen Barkin in Palindromes: a very fucked-up and awesome film sequel Welcome to the Dollhouse (both by Todd Solondz). In this film, Aviva is a very damaged young girl desperate in her existential angst to feel loved. So she gets knocked up. Mom, played by Ellen Barkin, calls bullshit on that and insists that the most reasonable course of action is for Aviva to have an abortion. Granted, she’s very superficial about it, but I lend myself to the “agree with” column regarding the judgment of mom’s insistence.

Yes, some really fucked up shit happens as the abortion goes wrong, but I am not suggesting it’s an educational video. Rather, I take this initial scenario and not the following message in order to illustrate to you how I think a parent should probably view their responsibility.

If I were mom and my daughter were knocked up I would be totally willing to brow-beat my still-developing and immature spawn to abort that leach. I would insist and threaten. I would ridicule and cross examine:
“Daughter, you say you cannot go through with this because of the life you feel. You also think you would make a good mother because of the intense love you feel. I respect this position, daughter, but would only grant it to an adult woman in the financial, emotional and intellectual position to raise a fulfilled, stable, HAPPY child. Daughter, do you think that the father is going to get a very good job at 15 and provide for you both? Will you get a job full-time while raising your baby?

No? Do you expect me and your [other parent] to let you live here and force us to take up the slack due to your total lack of means and options? Daughter, I understand that you want something to love completely and have belong exclusively to you. But that is selfish and awful. Your willingness to make this not-born human struggle and pain its most delicate formative years makes you disgusting, naïve, and totally irresponsible.”

Now, you may think this makes me horrible; to hurt my daughter (though she would be sent to a psychologist immediately), damage our relationship possibly irreparably, and dominate her body. You are right. That is absolutely fucking horrible.  But this is my point. If we have learned anything from Batman, then we must remember what he is NOT above all else. He is not a hero.

Batman has the capacity to be something more. In the words of Alfred: He can be the outcast. He must take it. Endure it. He will run when we need something to chase. He will be the hated when we need to hate. And he will subject himself to abuse and guilt in order to SAVE US.

This is real love. This is why parents need to be like Batman.

My daughter may hate me for years. We may never again be close. But I would be willing to bear that pain. I would take it. I would endure. Because parents aren’t heroes.